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Desires |
Desire... What are they to me? To me, they meant warm clothes to brave the chilling autumn, a fresh and warm loaf of bread, a roof over my head and also, most importantly, friends and family by my side. I desired all that I do not have...I...
"Ah!" I winced when a jagged rock stabbed into the tender part of my soles, breaking me free of my reverie.
Just when I thought that I had gotten used to the dull ache of pebbles under my feet, this stone had to break me out of my illusion. Merciless monsoon wind whipped at me as i wrapped my frail hands around my emaciated body. The thin fabric which I had scavenged from the dumpster was not enough to provide me with any warmth. Glancing up at the sky, I saw the dark clouds rolling in and the sky was a menacing hue of grey.
I had better get back to my cardboard shelter soon.
Out of the blue, a boy clad in a warm woollen sweater and had a pair of sneakers on his feet ran past me. I stopped in my tracks. My eyes widened in desire and my head turned to look at the boy run past me. Long after the boy's figure disappeared, I was still looking in his direction. The shoes and the warm sweater, how I longed for these wonderful clothing that would put an end to days and nights of endless shivering. At that thought, another bout of bone chilling wind attacked my body, sending shivers down my spine.
Glancing at the storm clouds again, I decided to head back on my way with a sigh.
The cold wind whipped my body over and over again, i could barely feel my fingers as they were rigid from cold, i could barely smell the rubbish dump beside me as my nose must be frozen. That was what I thought. A warm delicious smell of newly baked bread was blown in my direction.
"Growl" I immediately clutched my stomach while casting a furtive glance around ."Growl" there it was again, the retched sound that I could never escape from. As if in a trance, i walked towards the bakery.
I pressed my hands onto the glass of the shop and glanced in. Shelves and shelves of pastries, bagels, croissants , tarts and more. I swallowed. How i wished I had the courage to run in and steal every single loaf of bread to fill my ever rumbling tummy. I gave myself a mental slap, I am poor , hungry and the desire for food is overwhelming but I will not risk the harsh hand of the baker. The baker with his eyes like that of a rat frightens me. I tore my eyes away from the window and had to calm the desire in me. It was like walking with a lion, it could pounce on me anytime and anywhere.
I sighted a trash can in the distance. I ran towards it fervently, hunger taking over my instincts. I was taken aback by the foul stench that assaulted my nose the instant the lid of the trash can was opened. I ransacked the contents ,removing away the inedible plastic and paper bags and scavenging for the rotten apples and mouldy bread. Then i came upon it. A loaf of bread. Without hesitation, I crammed the bread into my mouth. The bread turned sour in my mouth. I kept on chewing and biting though I wanted to gag though I wanted to cry. The bread in the bakery that makes my heart sing how I wished that i could savour it in my mouth rather than this piece of bread turned bad.
A flash of lightning momentarily illuminated the darkened shy, I finished the remaining of the bread and ran straight for my cardboard home nearby. Just as i entered my house, the rain started coming down in fat droplets of rain. Slowly, the rain grew and it was beating down rapidly on the piece of card i call home. Across my cardboard shelter, I could see a house brightly illuminated begging for my attention. Just like it was predestined, the cardboard caved in and I had to run for shelter at the canopy that hung over the window of the house opposite.
The children inside were simply wearing shorts and a tee-shirt. They were playing inside the house which radiated warmth. I could feel the caress of the heat just by placing my hand on the glass. How i wished that i was one of them, one of the happy children who could live in such a warm house. The thought of it sent me shivering with desire. For an entire hour, my eyes were glued to the glass.
Though reluctant, when it finally stopped raining, I ran. I intended to run as far away from the housing estates as possible but I was too slow. They were out. The children were out to play and so was the resident bully.
"Filthy rat!You better come here!" Sena hollered after me. I tightened my jaw and walked faster and further pretending that I had not heard anything. "Why you ... "
I could hear Sena's exasperation, I know what was to come. She pushed me roughly to the ground and gave me a resounding slap across my face.
A crowd was forming around us. They were all laughing, laughing at me.
"This will teach you to never ignore me you street rat," Sena sneered as she took gave me a good kick at my chest. The air was knocked out of my body so hard and so fast that my sight momentarily blacked out.
"Good job Sena." the rest of the people cheered. Then. they came at me. They tore at my hair and on my clothes. They punched and they kicked , leaving me at the centre of their tenacious attacks. The rain of punches and kicks painted my skin black and blue. Each attack was much more terrifying than the last. When they were all tired, they stopped but Sena did not fail to give me a parting gift. A warm , clear and transparent liquid slowly made its way down my face. Before I could wipe Sena's spit off my face. she stepped on my arm.
"Next time, come when I call you,"she spat.
My eye was swollen but i could still see their diminishing backs into the distance. They were laughing and patting each other on their backs. I wondered how long had it been since a person patted me on my back and draped his arm over my shoulder like a friend would. Why do I always harbour over the impossible?
It had been three months since my parents abandoned me. It just took me 3 months to harbour over warm clothes, a filled stomach, a roof over my head, friends and ... a family. Why would no one love me? Why a simple desire of mine like love could never be satiated?
As I lay on the cold and wet pavement, tears streamed down my cheeks. I lay there unloved and filled with desires that would never be fulfilled.
The funky doodle
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Da girl Pei. Hello hello. I am the girl you are wondering about.
All About Me:
People know me as Pei/Tpl.
Used to be Casuarinian...
Sunday, August 26, 2012 | 
7:20 AM | 
